lifelovesatragedy

Title: Hate Me
Genre: Drama/Fanfic
Word count: Dunno
Rating: G (Nothing bad here)
Author's Notes: Based on rp with

lilruca

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways.. yea ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months thats one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
for you...for you...for you...

The song came on the radio and it was amazing how well it fit. Isabelle had left everything and everyone she'd ever cared about. But, she had to. She was bad for them all...and her leaving was the best thing she could do. Not only for them, but for herself. Herself and her daughter. They had done so much for her...he had done so much for her, but they didn't need her. They needed her gone. Then they could move on and so could she.

Events had been put in motion long before she actually left, but leading the patrol that took Rachel away from Kennedy...was the last straw. Even if they didn't blame her - which she was sure at least Kennedy would - she blamed herself.

Her sudden departure was sure to cause a stir...though what kind, she couldn't imagine. She knew some would be upset...though the exact reasons for that were unknown as well. She didn't think it would be sadness, not after the way she cut herself off from them completely. There was no way for them to contact her or even know if she was still alive or not. The links were closed entirely.

They might hate her...but that could be good. It would keep them from worrying, keep them from wondering and missing her. And maybe thinking they hated her would keep her from missing them, too. But, she didn't think so. Still, she had to do this.

Maybe she could find herself away from everyone else. Away from the people she wanted to make happy, people who she obeyed without question. Away from the place where she acted as she was supposed to, as she was expected to...by others and herself. She could concentrate on herself, her powers, her daughter...

She wouldn't be idle. She would still be doing her...job. Still be fighting evil and such. But she would be doing it in her own way. She had done that anyway...but there were thoughts of what others would think of her actions...sometimes. Now she could learn how to do things the most effective way, her way.

Regardless of possible later returns and consequences that would follow...she was now free to explore, free to grow...free.

Lyrics: Hate Me by Blue October